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lorettagordonmft

~ Bold Changes… Bold Life

lorettagordonmft

Monthly Archives: November 2011

Compassionate Yet Fatigued

12 Saturday Nov 2011

Posted by LGordon, MFT in Uncategorized

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Compassion fatigue helping trauma burn out meditate self care therapy

It is common and normal that those of us in the helping professions experience burn out. As an intern while still in grad I was told that it happens frequently so expect it to happen. Burn out has become a certain reality for me and many that I’ve talked due to the challenging and often stressful work that we do, particularly for those of us working in community based behavioral agencies.
However, there is something else that we must contend with, a phenomena called “compassion fatigue” referring to what can happen when helpers over a period of time begin to experience symptoms as result of repeated exposure to client traumatic stories/experiences. Clinicians and other helpers may begin to experience vicarious trauma like symptoms, i.e., sleep disturbance, anxiety, hyper vigilance, paranoia. Often the feeling of being overwhelmed by the work and as if the help provided is not enough. The response is to emotionally detach and numb oneself from feeling. This increases risk of increased eating, drinking and in cases drug abuse to self soothe.
What is one to do?
1-Talking about it helps, with therapist or EAP counselor
2-Find healthy ways to relax, i.e. meditation, guided imagery, quiet time
3-Exercise to release endorphins to improve mood, yoga, cardio, kick boxing, etc.
4-Take a vacation, if possible, if not a staycation.
5-New job setting, maybe not so possible
6-Reconnect with spirituality however you define it

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5 Steps to Happiness

06 Sunday Nov 2011

Posted by LGordon, MFT in Uncategorized

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The last two posts, are about finding your happiness and a happiness quiz. I wanted to add this information as I found it really interesting and because the program is local. According to Randy Taran of Project Happiness based on Positive Psychology philosphy based in Palo Alto, CA; here are

5 Steps to Happiness:

1. Choose something you want to focus on. It could be getting more exercise, connecting with nature, taking a course you’ve been interested in or making regular time to connect with someone you love. By the way, that someone could be you. What are you longing for? Build it into your calendar. It matters more than you think. Try choosing just one thing. As the saying goes, “If you chase two rabbits, both will escape.” What is your one thing?

2. Mind your mindset. When embarking on your one thing, cut yourself some slack. You don’t have to qualify as an expert in the first week. Dr. Carole Dweck of Stanford University talks about growth and fixed mindsets. A fixed mindset thinks all or nothing: You are either good at playing guitar, learning a new language, new sport, etc., or you are not. A growth mindset knows that if you practice anything, even though you’ll deal with some obstacles along the way, your skills will grow. Anything can be learned.

3. Lighten up. Check your closet for clothes, jackets or accessories you haven’t worn for years. Cart them to a Goodwill or a nonprofit that helps others get a new start. Then look for a special piece of clothing that you feel great in. It doesn’t have to be an expensive piece — consignment stores are often where designers shop for inspiration. Consider a color that makes you feel alive. Let whatever you choose bring a smile to your face every time you put it on.

4. Grow your gratitude. The truth is you were born happy, and you can reawaken that happiness inside. Gratitude is a powerful pathway. Keep a gratitude journal beside your bed and jot down three things that you are grateful for at least once a week. In one study, by Emmons and McCullough, people practicing gratitude felt 25 percent happier than those who weren’t; they also felt more optimistic about the future. Gratitude is a game changer.

5. Think of how you want to be in the world. An interesting exercise is to imagine yourself at the end of your days. What qualities would you like to be remembered for? Caring, creativity, steadfastness, warm-heartedness, friendship, humor … what is it for you? Start paying special attention to expressing those qualities now. You can evolve into what you aspire to be.

Peace & Blessings,

Loretta

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Test Your Happiness…..

06 Sunday Nov 2011

Posted by LGordon, MFT in Uncategorized

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Test your happiness
Happy people

Are you as happy as these people?

Psychologists say it is possible to measure your happiness.

This test designed by psychologist Professor Ed Diener from the University of Illinois, takes just a minute to complete.

To find out how happy you are just look at the five statements below and decide whether you agree or disagree using a 1-7 scale.

Please be open and honest in your responding – remember your answers are totally private.

Once you have answered all five questions press submit and we will calculate your score. You will then be able to read Professor Diener’s analysis.

  1. Strongly disagree
  2. Disagree
  3. Slightly disagree
  4. Neither agree nor disagree
  5. Slightly agree
  6. Agree
  7. Strongly agree
In most ways my life is ideal.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
The conditions of my life are excellent.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
I am satisfied with my life.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
So far I have gotten the important things I want in life.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
If I could live my life over, I would change almost nothing.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7

What makes you makes you happy

To understand life satisfaction scores, it is helpful to understand some of the components that go into most people’s experience of happiness.

One of the most important influences on happiness is social relationships.

Men laughing

Social relationships greatly influence your happiness levels

People who score high on life satisfaction tend to have close and supportive family and friends, whereas those who do not have close friends and family are more likely to be dissatisfied.

Of course the loss of a close friend or family member can cause dissatisfaction with life, and it may take quite a time to bounce back from the loss.

Another factor that influences the life satisfaction of most people is work or school, or performance in an important role such as homemaker or grandparent.

When the person enjoys his or her work, whether it is paid or unpaid work, and feels that it is meaningful and important, this contributes to life satisfaction.

When work is going poorly because of bad circumstances or a poor fit with the person’s strengths, this can lower life satisfaction.

When a person has important goals, and is failing to make adequate progress toward them, this too can lead to life dissatisfaction.

A third factor that influences the life satisfaction of most people is personal – satisfaction with the self, religious or spiritual life, learning and growth, and leisure.

Other sources of happiness

For many people these are sources of satisfaction. However, when these sources of personal worth are frustrated, they can be powerful sources of dissatisfaction.

Of course there are additional sources of satisfaction and dissatisfaction – some that are common to most people such as health, and others that are unique to each individual.

Most people know the factors that lead to their satisfaction or dissatisfaction, although a person’s temperament – a general tendency to be happy or unhappy – can colour their responses.

There is no one key to life satisfaction, but rather a recipe that includes a number of ingredients.

With time and persistent work, people’s life satisfaction usually goes up.

People who have had a loss recover over time. People who have a dissatisfying relationship or work often make changes over time that will increase their satisfaction.

One key ingredient to happiness is social relationships, and another key ingredient is to have important goals that derive from one’s values, and to make progress toward those goals.

For many people it is important to feel a connection to something larger than oneself.

When a person tends to be chronically dissatisfied, they should look within themselves and ask whether they need to develop more positive attitudes to life and the world.

Copyright by Professor Ed Diener, University of Illinois
Use is free of charge and granted by permission.

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Find Your Happy

06 Sunday Nov 2011

Posted by LGordon, MFT in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

I recently started reading a book called The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want  by Sonja Lyubomirsky. I have to admit that I enjoy reading these kinds of books for their practical knowledge and I find them useful recommendations for my clients. It got me thinking about what it means to be happy… Happiness seems to be a phenomena not easily defined and subjectively experienced. I find that a majority of people on the earth really want to be happy and to experience a sense of well being irrespective of their current circumstance. 

For many, at least in this country, happiness seems to be an illusive quality not easily achieved. Often out necessity, we find ourselves doing things we really do not enjoy.  The more we do it, the less we enjoy until we begin to feel disheartened and a sense of hopelessness that our situation will change. Despite the current economic recession in this country, according to a recent poll conducted by the UN Human Development Index 2011 which “measures happiness in different countries based on factors such as income, education, health, life expectancy, economy, gender equality and sustainability.” The United States ranked 4th happiest country in the world, Norway ranked 1st. If this be true, that out of 187 countries that were polled, the US ranked 4th, why do so many people in this country appear to be so unhappy? Particular as we witness with Occupy Wall Street movement, which that claims that 99% of the population suffers while 1% of the rich continue to financially gain through the exploitation of the 99%, can now be seen in every state of the Union and across party lines. How does one experience happiness as defined by the UN? Maybe the UN was wrong?

Walk into any bookstore on any given day and you will find stacks of books on Positive Psychology and the ideal of “The Pursuit of Happiness”. As positive psychology states that it is the scientific study of the strengths and virtues that enable individuals and communities to thrive. The position taking is that “There is an alternative to thinking about people and the world as needing to be fixed. You can see possibilities an opportunities for growth, evolution, rebirth wellness, strength…”http://www.positivepsychology.net. There has been lots of research in support of the happiness gene, born happy. According to Martin Seligman, considered the father of Positive Psychology, http://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org, ” we can experience three kinds of happiness: 1) pleasure and gratification, 2) embodiment of strengths and virtues and 3) meaning and purpose. Each kind of happiness is linked to positive emotion but from his quote, you can see that in his mind there is a progression from the first type of happiness of pleasure/gratification to strengths/virtues and finally meaning/purpose.”

Then there are those whose research against the idea of happiness summing it up as a “Pollyanna gloss”.According to evolutionary psychologist, Dr. Satoshi Kanazawa, “What can evolutionary psychology tell us about what we as a society can do so as not to repeat the Swedish mistake and make our citizens happy?  The best thing to do is to kill all the feminists and hippies and liberals.  Destroy political correctness completely once and for all.  Teach boys and girls that they are different, not the same, and that it’s okay (nay, wonderful) to be different.  One is not right and the other is not wrong.  Stop telling girls that they are inferior versions of boys, as feminists have done for the last half century, or, as has more recently been the case, stop telling boys that they are inferior versions of girls. Live as you feel like, not as you think you should live like.” Who is right? Who can really say? Does it all depends on your view of the world and your place in it? Is is genetics? Is it about intentions?

As a friend of mine states, “Hi my name is #### and I am an addict.. I am addicting to being happy and living life to the fullest… although it isn’t always easy and things don’t always go the way you want them… I gotta be patient..everyday may not be a good one but there is good in every day!!” What do you think? How can you find your happy?

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L. Gordon Therapy

Loretta Gordon, MFT (510) 761-5609 2718 Telegrah Avenue Suite 210 Berkeley, CA 94704

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